Earlier reports that an apocalypse had struck in Ireland’s Kerry County have proven to be false. This news organisation has since been able to confirm that the large flaming ball in the sky was in fact the sun.
Citizens all across Ireland awoke on Thursday morning to a piercing brightness that led many to believe the world was ending.
“I was so terrified when I first woke up and my wife was screaming,” Paddy O’Paddy said.
“I decided to go outside so I grabbed my fiddle and I grabbed my Guinness and I went out the door and, d’yknow what I saw? Blue stuff! Everywhere up above me!”
“I didn’t know where the sky had gone. This strange colour had taken over the lovely grey!”
Businesses across the country were forced to shut because residents were unable to leave their homes due to the brightness.
“I tried to head out to work at the potato factory but I was blinded as soon as I got out the front door,” Killarney resident Fanny O’Flannery said.
“I had to squeeze my eyes shut and crawl back inside. I now understand why Bono always wears sunglasses when he’s touring overseas!”
A sudden rush at supermarkets left many stores sold-out of canned goods, batteries and steak and Guinness pies.
“People are stocking up in case this goes on for a long time and they can’t leave their homes,” Cork storeowner Connor O’Connor said.
Some adventure-seekers did leave the safety of their homes for the exhilarating experience of lying in a park or on a beach without their shirts on.
“It’s a real buzz to feel the heat on my shoulders,” Leary O’Leary said in Galway.
“I was worried that I would just make things even glarier when I took my shirt off but it turns out that orange globe in the sky is even brighter than my skin,” he continued, as he turned an unhealthy shade of pink.
The Irish President, Danny O’Danny, took to the airwaves to try to reassure his citizens. In a nationally-televised address from the stage of a Dublin pub, President O’Connor sang the following message.
“I urge everyone to remain calm during this national emergency. We’ve been through tough periods before – like when it didn’t rain for a week so the leprechauns ran out of gold… and all of Sinead O’Connor’s divorces. Like those times, we will get through this together.”
Photos of the sun in Ireland
To mark this historic event in Ireland’s history, this news organisation has put together a photo essay of the solar devastation.
Time Travel Turtle was a guest of Stena Line, Paddy Wagon Tours and Discover Ireland but the opinions, over-written descriptions and bad jokes are his own.
31 thoughts on “BREAKING NEWS: Irish citizens see sun for first time”
Now that was laugh-out-loud funny! Felt completely the same way when I visited Sotland.
Glad you liked it. I think all the countries in this part of the world are cursed with a lot of rain!
You were there for it – you understand how rare everybody around us thought it was! 🙂
Haha! Nice. This is pretty funny. Love the photos too. 🙂
The story was really just an excuse to share the stories. Ireland looks so beautiful with the green and the blue when the sun is out!
Hah! Great writing, very funny 🙂
Lovely photos too. Haven’t gone to Ireland yet, all due to the unreliability of the weather. I don’t mind a little rain, but prefer it dry when sightseeing.
I’m not sure if there is a ‘dry season’ but it would definitely be worth trying to go when the weather is a bit better. There’s still a lot to do in the rain, but you would miss these beautiful scenic vistas!
My only time in Ireland it was sunny for several days IN A ROW. With only intermittent afternoon showers. People definitely out on Trinity Green.
You lucky thing! I bet you found a lot of local people were also making the most of the sunshine!
I saw pictures of Israelis getting snow for the first time, and they tried to make snowmen, but they didn’t know how to make a “regular” snowman, so they actually had individual legs instead of just three stacked spheres. Noobs!
Ha ha ha – that’s hilarious! I wish I could have seen that for myself 🙂
I am literally dying laughing! This is seriously the best post I’ve read this week and maybe all this month!
He he he… thanks. I had fun writing it. It’s good to be a bit silly sometimes 🙂
Spot on. We visited Ireland last May. We had two consecutive relatively sunny days. I’ve never seen so many sun burned people in my life.
Where I’m from in Australia, we get a lot of Irish visitors. One day in the summer and they’re all bright pink! I guess that’s what happens when you don’t get much sun back home.
I lived in the UK and Ireland for over 12 years. But I really had a hard time in Ireland. I went into depression mode. Where was the sun? It was so horrible I had to leave. I still don’t believe my friends when they say it’s sunny. Liars…too much guinness in their veins.
The beer certainly does make things a lot better. I think if I had to choose one or the other, I would probably go for the Guinness 🙂
What a hilarious post, I love it! It is the same story in same parts of the UK, when the sun is out people go crazy 🙂
I guess it all depends on what you’re used to. I actually get a bit tired of the sun and the heat when I’m travelling in countries where that’s all you get. Having said that, I’m so glad Ireland was sunny when I was there because it made the place so stunning!
Hilarious. Perfect way to greet the morning!
He he, thanks. Glad you had a bit of a laugh 🙂
Hmm. Was enjoying your other posts but this one leans heavily on tired, cliche stereotypes in trying to be funny. Surprised you didn’t work in any Lucky Charms jokes.
Lucky charms! Dammit – I knew I forgot something. I even double-checked the article to be sure, to be sure…
That’s hilarious 🙂 Sounds like every time I’ve been to London….rain, dreary and more rain.
You’re right about that – it’s not just Ireland that has this consistently miserable weather. London is just as bad most of the time!
Terrible photos… they’re supposed to look much darker and moody.
Sorry to disappoint. Maybe I should have Photoshopped them to look how they usually do! 🙂
I have to say as an Irish person I find this article quite offensive and ignorant. Its full lots of lazy stereotypes and stupid comments which bear no relatio0n to real life in Ireland
Oh, I’m sorry if you were offended by it. Of course it was full of lazy stereotypes… I am pretty lazy like that. And also I thought it would make it obvious that it was a silly joke. The more cliched it sounds, the more stupid it is, and the more people will realise it’s nothing like real life in Ireland.
And, of course, by even mentioning sun in Ireland, I’m sure readers will realise it is pure fiction!
I am writing from Gresham, Oregon, USA. We have the same weather. I laughed reading your blog. The same jokes are told about us. My father used to say the only way you could tell summer from winter is the summer rains are warmer. The rain does give both of us our beautiful green countryside. I hope to see Ireland some day.