Bangkok: A hedonistโ€™s fantasy

The Thai capital is a city that needs to be experienced to be believed. Bangkok offers anything you could possibly want… but how does that leave you?

Written by Michael Turtle

Michael Turtle is the founder of Time Travel Turtle. A journalist for more than 20 years, he's been travelling the world since 2011.

Michael Turtle is the founder of Time Travel Turtle and has been travelling full time for a decade.

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Bangkok, Thailand

You never do Bangkok. Bangkok always does you.

In the maze of crowded alley markets, the cacophony of traffic and the fireworks of seedy nightlife neon signs, is a hedonist’s fantasy.

Bangkok embraces you, acts like it loves you, then ejaculates all over you in a fluid mix of ecstasy and shame.

Crazy Bangkok - a hedonist's wet dream

Sitting in a taxi one night on the way to Patpong, the notorious neighbourhood of go-go girls and anything-goes, the lights of the city streak by.

I’m caught up in the pace – not just of the taxi, which weaves its way through other vehicles as it races along – but of a city with more energy than the liquid amphetamine that is sold in small bottles at convenience stalls.

There feels like there is no way to stop… but I’m not complaining.

Crazy Bangkok - a hedonist's wet dream

“You want show?”, the man asks. He’s not talking Broadway.

The piece of paper in his hand lists the things a human’s sexual organ can do… and quite a few it shouldn’t be able to. It’s a menu where everything is spicy.

In some ways, resistance is futile. Bangkok is too fertile. You don’t need to partake to be impregnated with its spirit.

Crazy Bangkok - a hedonist's wet dream
Crazy Bangkok - a hedonist's wet dream

“You like S&M?”, a tout asks, hitting me with a cane before I have a chance to answer.

With an attitude like that, he’ll never find out. It hurts just to walk the dark and dingy alleys of this city.

Even away from the nightlife, away from the seedy underbelly we all urge to scratch, Bangkok gets under your skin.

The next day, in the older part of the city near the Grand Palace, the crowded streets throw me around like a plaything.

The sidewalks are too narrow to walk down with the stalls constructed on them. Clothes, electronics, toys, you name it and someone is hawking it.

It’s impossible just to walk in a straight line as you’re jostled along the footpath, trying to avoid those who’ve stopped to haggle.

A symphony of horns and engines provides the soundtrack to the city.

Crazy Bangkok - a hedonist's wet dream

“DVD?”, the young man offers, displaying a smile that shows he’s already guessed the answer.

He asks because you can’t assume anything in Bangkok. Offers are like rapid fire ammunition – you shoot off a hundred, knowing you’ll hit your target somewhere in the barrage.

This city leaves you pounded and so out of breath you can hardly talk. All day the streets are full of business and all night they are full of business.

The nuances in the distinction between the businesses is immaterial.

There’s no black and no white in this city and the marker on the spectrum just slides to the appropriate point for you.

Crazy Bangkok - a hedonist's wet dream

Do you remember that Pick Up Sticks game you would play as a kid? The one where you would drop a pile of sticks on each other and have to remove them one by one without disturbing the others? That’s Bangkok.

In my days researching stories I’ve been to red light districts, slums, street food stalls, temples, markets and shopping malls.

These weren’t all meant to fit together but in some random dropping they’ve all ended up interconnected. Remove one, though, and you’ll affect them all.

The only thing that can be safely removed without disturbing the city is you.

You never do Bangkok. Bangkok always does you.

THE BEST ACCOMMODATION IN BANGKOK: SILOM

I’ve got a whole story with my thoughts on where to stay in Bangkok. But the short answer is there are two areas I would recommend for most travellers, and the first is Silom.

BACKPACKER

If youโ€™re looking for a fun backpacker option, then I would suggest HQ Hostel Silom.

BUDGET

There are a few budget options, but I would recommend looking at Silom Serene.

BOUTIQUE

A cool funky hotel in Silom is the W Bangkok.

LUXURY

And for the ultimate luxury, I would recommend going across the river to the beautiful Peninsula Bangkok.

THE BEST ACCOMMODATION IN BANGKOK: SUKHUMVIT

The other main area for accommodation in Bangkok is around Sukhumvit.

BACKPACKER

There’s no better party hostel in Bangkok than the Slumber Party Bangkok in Sukhumvit.

BUDGET

A good cheap and comfortable hotel that I would suggest is the 41 Suite Bangkok.

BOUTIQUE

For a very cool boutique hotel, I think the Bangkok Publishing Residence is awesome.

LUXURY

And although there are quite a few good luxury hotels, I think the best is the Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit.

30 thoughts on “Bangkok: A hedonistโ€™s fantasy”

    • Excellent! I don’t think you can go to Bangkok too many times. I’ve passed through the city about ten times in my life now, and I’m always discovering new things and falling more in love with the place.

      Reply
  1. Yup, Bangkok is busy!! Although you can find rest in the odd park or shopping mall, if you’re desperate:). I could imagine since this is most likely the place where you arrive when you first come to Thailand, it feels very much like you’re being thrown in a washing machine, what with the massive difference to where you just came from (as a Westerner). I really liked Bangkok and therefore your post, too. And how could anyone not understand the greatness of this city after taking in your first post-picture? ANGRY-BIRDS-BALLOONS! Puh-leeze…! Awesome.

    Reply
    • You probably wouldn’t want to see this side of Bangkok with children. In fact, definitely not. Although I s’pose the point I was trying to get across is that the vibrancy and energy of the city is everywhere and impossible to avoid. The kids would love parts of it!

      Reply
  2. Great way of capturing Bangkok into actual words, which isn’t an easy task! I too agree with your point about the symbiosis of all parts of the city, seedy and not, that create its off-kilter allure.

    Reply
  3. I’ve been living in Bangkok for the past 6 months and I’ve never found the words to describe why I sometimes just don’t want to leave the peace of my apartment to even walk on the street for five minutes.

    Reply
  4. Wonderful piece of writing Michael, you transported us into the plot of a novel and the heart and soul of Bangkok with a few swift strokes of your pen. A very accurate yet imaginatively described summary of Bangkok.

    Reply

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