“Finish massage” sounds like “penis massage”

Bali massage

“Finish massage” sounds like “penis massage”

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This is the website of travel writer, Michael Turtle. After working in broadcast journalism for a decade in Australia, Michael left Sydney to travel the world indefinitely and write about his discoveries.

Balinese massage parlour

This story of a massage parlour climaxes, excuse the innuendo, when the worker states “finish massage” but the customer mistakenly hears it as a question – “penis massage?”. Awkward. The client is, of course, me. And this was just the end of a rather anxious hour.

It shouldn’t be this way. The whole idea of a massage is to relax; to lose yourself in the moment; allow the stress to be released from every fibre of your body as the experienced hands work their wonders.

The problem is, when you’re getting a massage in a place like Asia, you’re never quite sure if there will be an offer for those hands to work wonders on a part of the body that wouldn’t normally be included.

Here we have the unhappy beginning of the happy ending. The fears of those who simply want a no-thrills massage but aren’t quite sure what kind of establishment they’re in.

Bali massage

The Balinese massage I was getting, like most, was already quite sensual. Warm oil is poured onto your back. As those hands move up and down your back, they seem to go a little lower every time. The paper underwear you’ve been given to rather unsuccessfully appease your modesty are pushed down a little further. Not many people are this intimate.

So perhaps that’s when the idea first gets planted in my mind. It wasn’t there when the touts first approached me on the street. It wasn’t there as I walked into the store and chose my program. It wasn’t even there as I slipped out of my clothes and lay down on the bed. No, it was when I have another person’s hands caressing my body, touching my trigger points, knowing exactly what to do to make me feel so comfortable.

To make matters worse, there are no other customers in the massage parlour. It’s a large room on the second floor with about ten beds. Each bed has curtains around it for privacy. As I lie with my head pointing down and my lower back being stroked, I consider that the curtains wouldn’t do much to muffle any sounds… if this was the kind of place where inappropriate sounds were to be made. Having said that, we are the only two people in the room so noise is not going to be an issue on this occasion.

Although there’s a very good chance this is a legitimate service, the thought is there and it’s going to scratch away through every of the sixty minutes that I should be relaxing. Potential scenarios start to play out in my head and I consider the options to get out of a sticky situation. To be honest, most of the solutions seem quite easy, but thinking about them is still distracting my mind from whatever it should be doing (which is probably not much).

So, sixty minutes later, when it ends, my head is spinning with these thoughts. Everything has been professional… not really surprising. But when I hear the words “finish massage”, accented by that Asian politeness, and there’s the aforementioned awkward moment, I realise that perhaps it’s not me who has been most anxious.

Just don’t ask about when I offer an extra bit of cash at the end and explain that “it’s just the tip”.

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7 Comments
  • Lisa | Jun 28, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I know a female who got a happy ending in Bali last year.

    She wasn’t asked but, as you said, the massage was sensual from the get go. The guy obviously sensed her arousal and with a quick ‘touch’ in the place so few can find, she was away.

    True story. A quick touch under her bikini bottoms. AWAY!

    • mo | Sep 9, 2013 at 8:30 pm

      Can you tell me the first name of the massuse who got her off, and what city he was located in?

  • Peter | Jun 28, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    I think I may have been to the same establishment not 3months ago – and I possibly even had the same masseuse.

    Word of warning – avoid wearing those Aussie Bum ‘boost your package type duds’ when indulging in such an experience – they only cause confusion when you roll over for the ‘front part’ of your (ahem)package!

  • Mumun - indohoy | Mar 15, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Hahahahaha… it would definitely be ‘penis massage’ in the west java area where the Sundanese can’t pronounce ‘v’ or ‘f’.
    Not only that, sometimes people pronounce meeting as ‘meting’ and sounds like mating :))

  • alan | Sep 9, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    We know of 2 massage places in Bali who give the ladies a happy ending

    • ayype | Dec 27, 2013 at 2:32 am

      Care to share which places – I’d like to send my girlfriend :)

  • Anil Kumar | Nov 10, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    I had been to Bangkok and Pattaya many times seen that in many massage parlours massage girls do penis massage if you pay tip to her even they can suck your cock also if you ask for that.In Bali I never been if there is any massage parlours then let me know.I am like penis massage some time with oil massage after ending up of massage.Thai massage is very nice first can take thai massage then can take oil massage then go for penis if like.I like this website very much would like to get updates from you time to time on such issues or on other issues from asian countries.I am fond of asia because I am from India can write some features on travel story from India also.

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